Whimsical Wednesday ~ Pride Month Edition

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Beauty and the Beat Boots

Little town, it’s a quiet village

Every day, like the one before

Little town, full of village people

Waking up to say…

🌈

Yes girl, work b*tch

Just twirl, the hashtag (what)

🌈

There go the nobles with the cakes like always

The same old thirsty clientele 

Every morning just the same

Since the morning that we came

To this Brokeback Mountain town

🌈

Good morning Belle

Good morning Ru

Where are you sashaying off to?

The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful Pride festival with glitter and ribbons 

That’s nice

Pit crew

Grab my wigs

Hurry girl

🌈

(Gasp) She’s serving us a house of prairie realness

That puny and the ponytail (coughs) 

What a crusty shade of blue

And that apron is just ew

But she really is a basic queen Miss Belle 

🌈

Nuh uh, Miss Thang

Girl, bye, Felicia

No tee, no shade

Girl boom, girl ba whaa

🌈

I need six wigs

Just get extensions

🌈 

There must be more than yas girl get your life

🌈

Hi Adam, hi Steve

I’ve come to return the book I borrowed 

Yaaassss

Did you get anything new?

Yas

Why thank you. This one is perfect

It is my favorite 

Can I keep it?

YaaaAaaAaaAAAaas

Thank you. Thank you very much

Yaaassss

Yaaasss

Nye nyeenyye nyeyyeyeyeyeye

🌈

I heard she’s got a thing for beasts and gerbils

I heard she used to be a male

🌈

Golly how’d I end up here?

I’m just looking for a beard

🌈

But she really is a basic fish Miss Belle

🌈

Oh, isn’t this amazing 

It’s so grand to be LGBT

Here, everyone’s embracing 

And they’re out here fighting for their rights to just be free

🌈

Miss boo boo kitty, she’s a mess no question 

I think she’s stuck in Arendelle

🌈

Do I know you from the gym?

I’m just asking for a friend

🌈

But she really is a basic fish 

A bargain busted basic fish

She really is a basic fish, Miss Belle

🌈

What up Belle?

HAHAHA

You’re lookin’ fly

Um, just wondering if we could hang out sometime 

Oh no, thanks Leslie

We could freeze each other’s bras

Like we did when we were little

Yeah, we never did that, but thank you

Well you and I didn’t do it

But you know, we could

I’m busy, but thank you

No, ok

🌈

Right from the moment you walked by Home Depot

I nearly almost broke a nail

All it takes is one phone call

We could get a big U-Haul

You can come with me to all my softball games

🌈

Look, there she goes

Isn’t she handsome?

That hair, those calfs

Those Birkenstocks

Two cats, two pecs

Two solid man buns

She’s a studly, beefy, grizzly top

🌈

Sashay

Kiki

That’s me

.com (dot com)

That kid’s a Goth

Those boots down gay

Ba blam

Huntie

Shantae

Yas yas yas yas

New power tools

GaGa

Beyoncé

Madonna

Sail

She’s giving body

🌈

There must be more than yas girl get your life

In 37 (50) states, you can be my wife

🌈

Miss cookie tookie honey, lesbianonist

I think I smell a fake Chanel

Cause she’s hashtag team too much

Trade that basket for a clutch

🌈

Cause she really is a basic fish

A bargain busting basic fish

She really is a basic fish, Miss Belle

🌈

Hey queen

Yes girl

Just twirl

What!

🌈

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Old Bones (Nora Kelly #1), by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child ~ 4.5 Stars

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Thanks to the Grand Central Publishing for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

Release Date: August 20th, 2019

384 Pages

Synopsis: #1 bestselling authors Preston & Child bring  the true story of the ill-fated Donner Party to new life in a thrilling blend of archaeology, history, murder, and suspense.

Nora Kelly, a young curator with the Santa Fe Institute of Archeology is approached by historian Clive Benton with a once-in-a-lifetime proposal: to lead a team in search of the so-called “Lost Camp” of the tragic Donner Party. This was a group of pioneers who earned a terrible place in American history when they became snowbound in the California mountains in 1847, their fate unknown, until the first skeletonized survivors stumbled out of the wilderness, raving about starvation, murder, and cannibalism. 

Benton tells Kelly he has stumbled upon an amazing find: the long-sought diary of one of the victims, which has an enigmatic description of the Lost Camp. Nora agrees to lead an expedition to locate and excavate it—-to reveal its long-buried secrets.

Once in the mountains, however, they learn that discovering the camp is only the first step in a mounting journey of fear. For as they uncover old bones, they expose the real truth of what happened, one that is far more shocking and bizarre than mere cannibalism. And when those ancient horrors lead to present day violence on a grand scale, rookie FBI agent, Corrie Swanson is assigned the case…only to find that her first investigation might very well be her last.

The bad news for fans of Aloysius Pendergast, is that he doesn’t make an appearance in Old Bones until the epilogue. The good news is that while I personally deeply missed him, Preston & Child have taken one of my favorite secondary characters in the Pendergast series, and given her wings.

Nora was actually the main character in Thunderhead (1999). As the Pendergast series took off, she became a strong supporting character, featuring predominantly in the Diogenes trilogy. If after waiting for a year for a new book by the authors, I couldn’t have this feature my Pendergast, I couldn’t have asked for a better person to take the reins. 

Joining Nora is another Pendergast supporting character, Corrie Swanson, who having been mentored by Pendergast, is now making her solo debut as an FBI agent. Both Nora and Corrie are strong-willed women, so to say they initially bump heads is putting it mildly. Nora is much more established and comfortable in her career, whereas Corrie is eager to prove herself and as a result, doesn’t always play well with others. I liked the way their relationship developed and by the end of the book they turned into quite a formidable team. I’m hoping Corrie makes more appearances in future books because they make quite a dynamic pairing.

The storyline itself is fascinating and vintage Preston and Child. Taking the historical tragedy of the Donner Party, and blending it with a modern-day sinister conspiracy was sheer genius. While it was obvious after only a few chapters in, that the shadowy organization behind grave robbings and killings were interested in a particular member of the doomed pioneers, I was in the dark until the last part of the book as to the question of why. Likewise, I was completely surprised regarding the unmasking of the villains who Nora and Corrie come into personal contact with. Once the big reveal came though, I had one of those “Aha!” moments because everything came together and made sense.

The only reason why I’m not giving this 5 stars is because as enjoyable as the characters and the blending of history with a contemporary conspiracy thriller were, there was a certain multi-layered complexity that are always a big part of the Pendergast books, that was missing here. Also, I’m usually literally chewing my nails while devouring a Pendergast tale but here, while I definitely had an avid interest in what was going on, I wasn’t quite so desperate about it. That said, Old Bones is a fun and entertaining introduction to this new series, and I’m looking forward to more (hopefully after a new Pendergast novel comes out though!) For those of you who haven’t read the Pendergast series, but are getting tired of my ravings about it, this is an excellent place to begin your introduction into the wonderfully weird, creepy, mysterious, always intriguing and exciting world of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child! 

 

 

 

Swipe Right For Murder, by Derek Milman ~ 5.0 Stars

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Thanks to JIMMY Patterson Books for providing an ARC in exchange for and honest review.

Release Date: August 6th, 2019

336 Pages

Synopsis:

On the run from the FBI.

Targeted by a murderous cult.

Labeled a cyber-terrorist by the media.

Irritated by texts from his best friend.

Eye contact with a nice-looking guy on the train.

Aidan has a lot to deal with and he’s not quite sure which takes top priority.

Finding himself alone in a posh New York City hotel room for the night, Aidan does what any red-blooded seventeen-year-old would do—-he tries to hook up with someone new. But that lapse in judgement leads him to waking up next to a dead guy, which sparks an epic case of mistaken identity that puts Aidan on the run from everyone—-faceless federal agents, his eccentric family, and, naturally, a cyber-terrorist group who will stop at nothing to find him. 

He soon realizes the only way to stop the chase is to deliver the object that everyone wants, before he gets caught or killed. But for Aidan, the hardest part is knowing who he can trust not to betray him—-including himself.

It’s only halfway through 2019, but I already know that Swipe Right For Murder is going to be one of my favorite books of the year. An ingenious ode to Alfred Hitchcocks North by Northwest and a poignant coming-of-age story, it tackles some serious issues such as: terrorism, homophobia, an inappropriate relationship between an adult and a teen, and suicide. At the same time it displays a wry sense of humor that had me laughing out loud several times. While Aidan is immature at the beginning, his personal growth expands by leaps and bounds as the story progresses. He’s someone you want to shake and hug at the same time. The plot itself is absolutely crackers, but it’s so much fun that it’s easy to suspend disbelief and just hang on for the wild ride. 

I loved Derek Milman’s first book, Scream All Night, and honestly wondered if his sophomore effort would live up to his debut. I’m thrilled to say that I think it actually surpassed it! Both books blend the world of classic film, with contemporary coming-of-age themes, sympathetic and relatable main characters, and over-the-top (in a good way) storylines. I can’t recommend this author highly enough to both teens and adult fans of YA fiction, and fans of classic films in general. I can’t wait to see what this incredible author comes out with next!

Lovely Lyrical Lines ~ Freddie Mercury

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Freddie-Mercury-Time-Waits-For-No-One-Cover-Art

I know I just shared one of these posts with Taylor Swift’s You Need to Calm Down, but today, a never-before-released music video from the incomparable Freddie Mercury was released by his friend/collaborator, David Clark. The 1986 video, filmed on the empty stage at Dominion Theatre in London, showcases not only Freddie’s breathtaking vocals as he sings accompanied only by a piano, but also, twenty-eight years after his death, proves how timely and relevant he continues to be. 

 

The Third Mrs. Durst, by Ann Aguirre ~ 1.0 Stars

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Thanks to NetGalley and Midnight Ink for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

Release Date: August 8th, 2019

325 Pages

Synopsis: Some people just need killing.

Marlena Altizer Durst lives in her husband’s shadow. He controls her every move—what she wears, the food she eats and the friends she’s allowed to make. If she disobeys, there are…consequences. And he has all the power, so nobody would believe her. 

Her Cinderella story has been well-documented and it seems like she leads a fairy-tale life. But nobody ever wonders if Cinderella was happy after she married the prince. Marlena has traded freedom and safety for luxurious imprisonment, and most days, that seems like a bad bargain. Death may be the only exit she’s allowed. Just like his first wife. And his second.

Unless she flips the script.

And gets away with murder…

Some people just need killing. And maybe I’m one of them. My husband certainly thinks so. My husband certainly thinks so, but then, he feels  that way about most women. I may not survive his style of love. His first wife didn’t. Neither did his second. The flames are everywhere now. It’s getting hard to breathe. We’ll see who dies today.

And with that chilling hook, I was instantly sucked into what I thought was going to be an exciting domestic thriller. It was a great kick-off,  but unfortunately the rest of the story didn’t quite live up to it.

This is more a plot-driven rather than character-driven story, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, despite her sympathetic backstory, I ultimately found Marlena to be almost as despicable as her cookie-cutter, villainous husband and the supporting cast wasn’t believable at all. The sex scenes came off as forced and passionless, and left me cringing more than once. It actually reminded me a little of Fifty Shades of Grey, and for many of you who’ve been following me for awhile, you know how much I love that book. *Insert eye-roll*. 

With that, the best I can say about The Third Mrs. Durst, is that it’s a quick read. Otherwise, in my humble opinion, there are far better books in this genre out there such as: The Wife Between Us, by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen, and Behind Closed Doors, by B.A. Paris. As always though, for readers intrigued by the premise, I recommend you check out other reviews. There’s quite a few positive ones on Goodreads and NetGalley, so maybe I was just in a cranky mood when I read this.