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Once upon a time back in 1995, John “Ol Chumbucket” Bauer and his friend Mark “Cap’n Slappy” Summers began slinging insults at each other in true pirate fashion as they played racquetball. They chose September 19th for this fledgling holiday because it was Summers ex-wife’s birthday and he figured “the date was stuck in my head, and I wasn’t going to do anything with it anymore.” But it wasn’t until humorist Dave Barry joined in, that Talk Like a Pirate Day really took sail. If you’re like me and want to embrace your inner pirate, here are a few ways to have fun today:

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While out and about, try some colorful pirate vocabulary like: “Arrr!”, “Savvy”, “Swab the deck”, “Ahoy, me hearties!”, “Matey”, “Blimey”, “Blow me down!” and of course, the classic “Shiver me timbers”. 

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How about some some pirate jokes to tickle the funnybone.

“What kind of socks does a pirate wear?–Arrrgyle!”

“What’s the problem with the way a pirate speaks?–Arrrticulation!”

And finally:

“A little boy is trick or treatin’ on Halloween by himself. He’s dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, ‘where are your buccaneers?’ The little boy responds, ‘On either side o’ me ‘buccan head!”.

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Use some romantic pirate pick-up lines on your significant other.

“I sure would like to pillage your booty!”

“Yo, ho ho! How ’bouts a bottle of rum?”

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ your chest!

Or my personal favorite:

“You put the shiver in me timbers!”

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If you live in the U.S., and you’d like to put some “grub in your gullet”, many Krispy Kreme outlets are rewarding the best dressed buccaneer with a bounty of a dozen free doughnuts. Or, if you don’t feel like dressing up, (Although why wouldn’t you?), you can still get one free doughnut just by talking like a pirate! Long John Silver restaurants are also giving out free food to enterprising pirates. They have some dress code rules so you may want to check out their website at: http://www.ljsilvers.com 

They also have some other fun things on the site including a pirate name generator. Just in case you’re wondering, mine’s Shipwreck Sasha. I’m thinking of having my name legally changed!

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If you do choose to celebrate today, make sure you include your loved ones. Believe me, they’ll thank you. Okay. Maybe not. But they’ll look cute!

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Finally, if you do nothing else piratie, er, piratish today, check out the Hillywood Show’s Pirates of the Caribbean Parody on YouTube. I’m sorry I still haven’t figured out how to do links on this blasted tablet, but I’m telling you, these girls are amazing! Plus, Hilly Hindi makes a scarily good Captain Jack Sparrow!

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