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Holy Cow! After spending the last several years fanning the flames of the racist “Birther” movement, Donald J. Trump conceded today that President Obama was indeed born in the United States! Of course he made the statement in his own unique Donaldesque way.

Β Now, not to mention her in the same breath, but Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States–period. Now we can all go back to making America strong and great again. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I see. So, except for that little mistake about Hillary Clinton first raising the question about President Obama’s birthplace (she did not) The Donald is reassuring us that he’s actually been trying to help the President all these years. Hmm. Do you think the stage collapsing shortly before he was set to deliver his speech may have been some sort of sign from Above?


Well, regardless, now that Donald has made his pronouncement, Huzzah! We can rejoice!


The earth can keep spinning.


The sun can keep shining.


And babies can, er, smile once again.


Wait! What’s that you say? What about all his other hateful, racist, bigoted, and misogynistic ideology? Oh yeah.Β 


Um. Never mind!