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If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

Well I’d buy you a house (I would buy you a house)

And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or ottoman)

And if I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you a k-car (a nice reliant automobile)

And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

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If I had a million dollars I’d build a tree fort in our yard

If I had a million dollars you could help, it wouldn’t be that hard

If I had a million dollars maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere 

(We could just go up there and hang out

Like open the fridge and stuff, and there’d be foods laid out for us with little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmmmm. 

They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon. Well can you blame them. Yeah.)

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If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that’s cruel)

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you an exotic pet (like a llama or an emu)

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains (all them crazy elephant bones)

If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

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If I had a million dollars

We wouldn’t have to walk to the store

If I had a million dollars 

We’d take a limousine ‘cause it costs more

If I had a million dollars

We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner

(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we’d just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchup with it. That’s right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)

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If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel)

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you a monkey (haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)

If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

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If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars 

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars

I’d be rich.