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Beauty and the Beat Boots

Little town, it’s a quiet village

Every day, like the one before

Little town, full of village people

Waking up to say…


Yes girl, work b*tch

Just twirl, the hashtag (what)


There go the nobles with the cakes like always

The same old thirsty clientele 

Every morning just the same

Since the morning that we came

To this Brokeback Mountain town


Good morning Belle

Good morning Ru

Where are you sashaying off to?

The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful Pride festival with glitter and ribbons 

That’s nice

Pit crew

Grab my wigs

Hurry girl


(Gasp) She’s serving us a house of prairie realness

That puny and the ponytail (coughs) 

What a crusty shade of blue

And that apron is just ew

But she really is a basic queen Miss Belle 


Nuh uh, Miss Thang

Girl, bye, Felicia

No tee, no shade

Girl boom, girl ba whaa


I need six wigs

Just get extensions


There must be more than yas girl get your life


Hi Adam, hi Steve

I’ve come to return the book I borrowed 


Did you get anything new?


Why thank you. This one is perfect

It is my favorite 

Can I keep it?


Thank you. Thank you very much



Nye nyeenyye nyeyyeyeyeyeye


I heard she’s got a thing for beasts and gerbils

I heard she used to be a male


Golly how’d I end up here?

I’m just looking for a beard


But she really is a basic fish Miss Belle


Oh, isn’t this amazing 

It’s so grand to be LGBT

Here, everyone’s embracing 

And they’re out here fighting for their rights to just be free


Miss boo boo kitty, she’s a mess no question 

I think she’s stuck in Arendelle


Do I know you from the gym?

I’m just asking for a friend


But she really is a basic fish 

A bargain busted basic fish

She really is a basic fish, Miss Belle


What up Belle?


You’re lookin’ fly

Um, just wondering if we could hang out sometime 

Oh no, thanks Leslie

We could freeze each other’s bras

Like we did when we were little

Yeah, we never did that, but thank you

Well you and I didn’t do it

But you know, we could

I’m busy, but thank you

No, ok


Right from the moment you walked by Home Depot

I nearly almost broke a nail

All it takes is one phone call

We could get a big U-Haul

You can come with me to all my softball games


Look, there she goes

Isn’t she handsome?

That hair, those calfs

Those Birkenstocks

Two cats, two pecs

Two solid man buns

She’s a studly, beefy, grizzly top




That’s me

.com (dot com)

That kid’s a Goth

Those boots down gay

Ba blam



Yas yas yas yas

New power tools





She’s giving body


There must be more than yas girl get your life

In 37 (50) states, you can be my wife


Miss cookie tookie honey, lesbianonist

I think I smell a fake Chanel

Cause she’s hashtag team too much

Trade that basket for a clutch


Cause she really is a basic fish

A bargain busting basic fish

She really is a basic fish, Miss Belle


Hey queen

Yes girl

Just twirl